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ARE SEXUAL THOUGHTS AND FANTASIES NORMAL

Mahesh was from a religious family, and his father was the head priest of a temple. On entering adolescence he was expected to be a good boy. He did not make eye contact with girls. His growing sexuality came in the way of his upbringing. It was because of this reason that his sexual fantasies were crazy. He would totally go berserk in his thoughts. He would imagine being in orgies. He would imagine sexual scenarios that were not usual. He masturbated on a regular basis for many years. His parents found a girl for him and it was an arranged marriage set-up. Unfortunately the problem started from the first day of marriage. His shy wife did not want to be part of his sexual fantasies. He would ask his wife to invite her sister to participate in group sex. He would also find flaws in his wife’s physical experience. Sadly, their marriage ended in three months as the wife could not keep up with Mahesh’s sexual wants.

Is something wrong with Mahesh?

According to Dr Rajan Bhonsle, sexologist, it was Mahesh’s rigid upbringing that had resulted in this behaviour. He goes on to explain that during Mahesh’s teenage years, he supressed his sexual urges. This resulted in wild fantasies. Since after marriage, he has the chance to explore his sexual fantasies, but because they are extremely wild in nature, his wife did not understand why he insisted on doing that. After one session of counselling, Mahesh’s wife understood his thought process. Mahesh gradually let go of his wounded past and tried to maintain a healthy sexual relationship with his wife. His wife then agreed to give their marriage a second chance.

Why do young teenagers, especially boys experience sexual fantasies?

“From adolescence onwards, most people have sexual fantasies that serve a variety of functions and result in a wide range of responses within the individual. Some are pleasant or stimulating; others are confusing, embarrassing or even shocking,” says Dr Rajan Bhonsle, sexologist.

  • During adolescence, 10-19 years, boys and girls start becoming sexually mature.
  • Apart from physical changes, lots of emotional and psychological changes start taking place.
  • This is why strong sexual feelings and thoughts start crossing the minds.
  • Unusual and unexpected sexual dreams, strong physical attraction for the opposite sex and urge to impress the opposite sex emerge, among other things.
  • These psychological and emotional changes are more body and sex oriented for boys and more romance and heart related for girls.
  • Around 12 to 16 years of age, boys will find themselves getting sexually attracted to every other woman. They also find themselves attracted to women in their twenties and thirties.

“In spite of strong sexual urges they find themselves helpless, as these elder women show little or no sexual interest in them. This frustrates adolescent boys. This provokes fantasies,” explains Dr Rajan Bhonsle, sexologist.

This example is from Dr Rajan Bhonsle’s book titled The Complete Book of Sex Education.

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